ARE U FUCKING KIDDING ME...............REALLY

I SAID I WOULD TELL GOOD THINGS ABOUT MY DAUGHTER.....WELL THAT ANIT GOING TO HAPPEN EVER AGAIN.....THE WEEK OF 11/21/11...BEGINS....I LEFT FL TO GO TO IL....ON 11/22/11 OFFICIALLY JASMINE HAS FULL CUSTODY OF HER CHILDREN... SIGN BY THE JUDGE....

BY WEDNESDAY AND BEFORE THANKSGIVING....SHE LEAVES LIGHTHOUSE MINISTRIES.....I WAS STILL IN CHICAGO... ACTUALLY DIDN'T LEAVE CHI TOWN TIL...11 AM...TO GET  BACK ON THE ROAD AND GET BACK TO FL....BY 6:30AM FRIDAY..I GET HOME....I HURRIED AND PUT THE TURKEY IN THE OVEN...AND WENT TO SLEEP...I WAS UP FOR 36 HOURS WITH NO SLEEP.....AROUND 2:30PM...MY ERNESTO CALLS ME FINALLY HAVEN'T TALKED TO HIM SINCE LATE AUG.........

AS I WAS ON THE PHONE....APPEARED OUT OF NO WHERE WAS MY GRAND BABIES....AND FINISHED MY CALL WITH NEST....AND JASMINE DID HER ACADEMY AWARD PERFORMANCE AGAIN TO ME....PHASE TWO MA....WHICH MEANT I WOULD TAKE THE GIRLS...AND HER AND MELLY WERE GOING TO SHACK UP WITH CHARLIE BROWN.......

THREE HOURS LATER....SHE CALLING ME....I DON'T HAVE NO WHERE TO GO............I TOLD HER TO CALL ME BACK IN 10 MINUTES.....I LLITERALLY WENT INTO MY BATHROOM WITH WILL WILL AND WAS CRYING.....NERVOUS AND SHIT....WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN....WE AGREED FOR TWO MONTHS AND I MADE HER SIGN A CONTRACT....THAT 1/25/12 WAS HERE MOVED OUT DATE......

SO.............................

IT TOOK 24 DAYS TO KICK HER ASS OUT.....SHE STILL CLAIMS THAT SHE IS A GROWN ASS WOMAN....WELL LETS SEE...ABOUT THAT...........

OK...SHE LAID AROUND IN MY HOUSE ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR...IF NOT LAYING ON MY LIVING ROOM COUCH.....CONSTANTLY I HAD TO WAKE HER ASS UP....TO GET THE GIRLS READY FOR SCHOOL.....EVENTUALLY I MADE HER WALK THE GIRLS TO SCHOOL...AND PICK THEM UP......CUZ AS SOON AS SHE CAME BACK TAKING THE GIRLS TO SCHOOL...SHE LAID BACK ON THE FLOOR NOT WATCHING MELLY MAC....AND NOT EVEN FEED THE BOY.......IN THE CONTRACT SHE WAS TO LOOK FOR A JOB...SHE DID THAT MAYBE THREE TIMES.....REALLY JAZ......

SHE FOLDED SOME WASH....DID A LOAD HERE AND THERE...EVEN DID A LOAD OF DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER AND OR PUT THEM AWAY......MAYBE VACUUM ONCE........


OH AND SHE GOT HER FOOD STAMPS...AND WE PUT FOOD IN THE HOUSE....SO YES I CONNED THE BITCH TO PUT FOOD IN MY HOUSE.....SO YOU LOST LITTLE GIRL.......NOW....A GROWN WOMAN DOES NOT LAY AROUND....NOT TAKING CARE OF HERE KIDS...LET ALONE FEED THEM.....SO.....TO ALL HER FRIENDS....LET IT BE KNOWN THAT IM AWARE OF HOW YOU CANT UNDERSTAND HER AND MY RELATIONSHIP.......

BUT IM OLD SCHOOL BITCH....YOU MIGHT CLAIM U ARE OLD SCHOOL BITCHES...U ANIT EVEN CLOSE......ONE DISRESPECTING YOUR ELDERS.....LETTING YOUR KIDS DO AND SAY WHAT U WANT THEM TO SAY...(CUSSING,YELLING ETC...) AND U WALK ALL OVER OTHERS AROUND YOU.....AND GETS WHATS YOURS......NO BITCHES.....


IM A GROWN ASS WHITE WOMAN....WITH BEAUTIFUL KIDS AND GRANDCHILDREN....AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY TYPE OF BULLSHIT...OR LETS CON MAMA.....I HAVE A GROWN ASS BLACK HUSBAND THAT IS A GENTLEMEN...YOU YOUR NIGGAS..HOOD RAT TYPES.......AND U ALL WANT TO BE IN THE HOOD............................DO IT AND GO FOR IT.....YOUR USELESS BITCHES WITH NO GAME...ON LOVE...HONOR...RESPECT CARING WOMAN...TAKING CARE OF A GROWN ASS MAN.....WHERE U ARE INTERESTED IN GANGSTA'S FUCK U....ALL OF U...FUCK U...JAZ...YOU ARE A LOST CAUSE TO SOCITEY YOU A WANNA BE BLACK BITCH.....FUCKIN RED NECK BITCH....FUCK OFF

today was a good day...........

spent four hours with jaz..she got on birth control and got a bank acct...that a good thing mommy girl...love u ..love mama.........

http://youtu.be/8CPlF-IEkXQ.............................

dedicated to my gansta girl..jaz

YES MOMMY WHAT

MY PERSONAL MOMMY GUIDE,,,,,,,,,,,,NO WIRE HANGERS................LOVE IT..............

looking up............

well i have to say good things are beginning to look up for jasmine....yes she is my oldest...and my first and only daughter...and i want to say good things about her too...i know i have gone off on her...but i wanted to write...blog out my frustrations and the bullshit that happen to us...i give her the credit that she is now realizing..a connection of what she was done..or has done or was done to her or what was done to me..or what i done..or who done what to me as i grew..........she has come to the conculsion to get her daughters help for anxiety...thats a good thing...and she is getting her counseling done for her..and thats a good thing...when i think back...i was 32 when i realize my bullshit that was done to me(and got help for me)...and realize some issues with my two oldest children...but my baby..is 30..good job jaz...thats a good thing too....

so i might of went beyond and then some on how my daughter ....but...i blogged it....to let others know your not alone...but this is my life experiences...i still and always will love my daughter....and thank god i have only one....for me to come from a family of 5 girls...no way in hell would i have that amount of kids in life and they were all girls...my baby is and was a handful...and im glad theres one...now my two boys...thats .....well...

love u jaz...keep going mama...u can do it.....love u...love mommy

PUMPKIN PATCH 2011

GRANNY TOOK THE GRANDS TO THE PATCH THIS YEAR....

UPDATES FOR THE MOMENT...

I DROPPED OFF THE BDAY CARD FOR KEKE MONSTERS...YESTERDAY...AND SO HAPPENS JAZ WAS AT THE FRONT DOOR OF LIGHTHOUSE...AND I GOT TO SEE THE KIDS FOR A MINUTE...AND I TOOK PICS OF THEM.....JAZ SAYS SHE WROTE ME A LETTER...SO I WENT TO THE MAILBOX...AND SHE IS FINALLY GOING TO THREAPY AND ON MEDS...SHE REALIZES THAT SHE IS ALONE..AND SHE KNOWS IT WILL BE HARD TO TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS..BY HERSELF...BUT I DID IT...SHE CAN DO IT....SHE WILL LET ME SEE THE KIDS...SO I WILL TRY TO SEE THEM FOR NEXT WKEND...I WILL DO THE ONCE A MONTH FOR NOW...SHE HAS ONE MORE COURT DATE...WITH DCF AND SHE WILL HAVE THE KIDS BACK OFFFICALLY...OK...SO THAT IS A GOOD THING FOR NOW....

last attempt to my daughter....

JAZ….

HERE ARE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATES FOR THE BABIES…AND THERE SOCIAL SECTURITYS CARDS…

NOW…A FEW THINGS I NEED TO SAY FOR THE LAST TIME…THOSE TWO WKS OF CHAOS WAS ENOUGH…I LISTEN… I WAS HAPPY TO HAVE MY GRANDGIRLS AND WAS SO IMPRESS WITH MACKERS… THIS LAST YEAR WHERE I JUST STOPPED COMMUNICATION AND CUT ALL TIES… WAS A GOOD THING…ONE..MS.BEVERELY SUGGESTED THAT…SO I DID…LITERALLY STEPPED DOWN…MY STRESS FACTOR IS GONE…I HAD RESPONSABILTYS TO GUNTHER AND WILLIE…I WASN’T TAKING CARE OF THEM LIKE IT WAS..BEFORE THE GRANDS..I HAVE FOUCS ON GUNNY AND HE HAS SHINED HIS FIRST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL…NO ESE AT THE MOMENT AND THAT IS IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW..HE HAS A DREAM AND I WILL STAND BEHIND HIM TIL HE WALKS ACROSS THAT STAGE…AND I WANT TO SEE THAT…I FELT I DIDN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MY SON AND WILL WILL BECAUSE I WAS TENDING TO YOU…MOST OF ALL I SHOULD OF STOPPED TENDING TO YOU WHEN U TURN 18..MAYBE THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER OUTLOOK BETWEEN YOU AND ME..

I HAVE BENT OVER BACKWARDS FOR YOU…I WAS THERE FOR YOU..I WAS THERE FOR THE GRANDS FROM DAY ONE…I LET YOU DESTORY MY APARTMENTS I GAVE YOU A CUSHION.. I GAVE U A HOME.. FOR YOU AND THE BABIES…BUT…I LET YOU..YELL AND CUSS ME..I LET YOU DISRESPECT ME AND MY HOME…I MUST BE THE MOST GULLABLE MOTHER OF ALL TIMES…I DIDN’T LET YOU FALL FLAT ON YOUR ASS…I KEPT TAKING U IN…CUZ U KNOW HOW TO MANIULATE ME..I LOVE U MOMMY…AND I FELL FOR IT…SO IF I KICKED YOU OUT I WAS TRYING TO MAKE U FALL…NOT FAIL…BUT FALL…I DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING..INCLUDING RESPECT…YOU TOOK YOUR LIFE AT 13 AND STARTED RUNNING AND U BEEN RUNNING SINCE…YOU ARE STUCK IN THIS ALL ABOUT ME GENERATION…AND IT ANIT ABOUT YOU…YOU HAVE THREE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN(ITS ALL ABOUT THEM).. AND U HAVENT SHOWED THEM ANY STABLE ENIVORMENT YET…U NEVERED FINISHED SCHOOL…U DON’T HAVE A JOB…YOU DON’T HAVE A HOME FOR THEM..U DON’T HAVE MONEY..YOU DON’T HAVE A CAR…THESE ARE THINGS THAT U NEED TO HAVE…TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR FAMILY…U MADE THAT DESCION WHEN U STARTED RUNNING AT 13..YOU MAY BE BLAMING ME FOR THAT…BUT U CANT…U RAN…I LET GO…I LET YOU COME IN ANT OUT OF MY LIFE…GIVING ME HAVIC….BECUZ I WAS A MOM..I FOLLOW ALONG WITH YOUR BULLSHIT…AND NOW U CANT HANDLE IT..CUZ IVE WALKED AWAY…FOR A WHOLE YEAR(AND U THINK BECUZ THAT HURTS YOU…NO..U HAVE HURTED ME) AND THAT TO ME IS A GOOD THING…I WILL NOT BE SUBJECT TO YOUR BULL SHIT AND HOW U WANT TO RUNS THINGS…YOU ANIT IN CONTROL(YES IM IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE AND WHO IS AROUND ME BUT I THOUGHT I TAUGHT YOU THAT I GUESS U DIDN’T GET THE MEMO)…. YOU ARE FLYING BY THE SEAT OF YOU PANTS WITH LIFE…THAT EVERYONE OWES YOU….

YOU THINK THAT THIS IS THE GETTHO LIFE…KEEP ON..BUT YOUR CHILDREN ARE SUFFERING…THEY ARE NOT IN AN STABLE ENIRVOMENT…THEY BEEN IN FOSTERCARE…AND NOW A SHELTER…YOU BEEN THERE A WHOLE YEAR…AND WHAT I SEE…YOU THE SAME OLE JAZ…YOU HAVENT CHANGED…I WOULD OF DONE ANYTHING TO GET MY KIDS BACK..I WOULD OF TAKING ANYTHING  TO TAKE THE PARENTING CLASSES THE ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES…FROM DAY ONE WHEN THEY TOOK THE KIDS AND PUT THEM INTO FOSTERCARE…I WOULD OF BITCH SCREAM AND FOUGHT MY WAY TO GET MY KIDS OUT OF THE SYSTEM…THE MOMENT THEY WERE TAKEN…ITS 2011..I WOULD OF DONE ALL THINGS THAT THE COURT ASKED OF ME…AND WOULD OF DONE MORE OF WHAT THEY DIDN’T ASK OF YOU TO DO..TO GET THE KIDS BACK….THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A STURCTURE PLAN FOR YOU TO DO…A MOM WOULD OF DONE ANYTHING…

I SPENT MONEY FOR A LAWYER THAT DID NOTHING…I WOULD OF FOUGHT SO HARD…AND (YOU) SHOULD OF DEMANDED TO THE COURT AND THE STATE..FOR THEM TO BE WITH ME….YOU WOULD OF DONE ANYTHING FOR YOUR KIDS…BUT YOU LET IT GO…AND U HAD TO FOLLOW THERE RULES…BUT..U LIVE AND LEARN…THAT’S ON U…NOW U ALMOST HAVE THE KIDS…SO THE STATE WILL CLOSE THE CASE EVENTUALLY SO…GET IT DONE…AND GET THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE(DCF)…YOU OWE THAT TO YOUR CHILDREN…

I DIDN’T HAVE MY CHILDREN TAKEN AWAY…I TOOK AND TAKE CARED OF MY RESPONSABILITYS…AND I DID THAT FOR YOU TIL YOU WERE 29..NOW I WALKED AWAY AFTER TWO WKS…WHAT U CANT HANDLE IT…

NOW…I NEED TO SAY THIS ONE THING….I HAVE COME TO A CONSULION OF THIS…NOW IN MY LIFE…WHERE I CAN HANDLE THIS…WHAT IM ABOUT TO SAY…….

ONE…GET YOUR KIDS BACK…(I STAYED OUT OF THIS FOR A REASON,FOR YOU TO GET THEM BACK)…(PLUS I  THINK THAT U WOULD OF FIGURE THIS OUT WHY I STEPPED BACK FOR ALL THIS)...AT ANYTIME…AFTER THEY ARE OFFICALLY BACK WITH YOU 100%....

I CAN UNDERSTAND AND CAN ACCEPT THAT IF U CANT HANDLE BEING A MOM FOR ANY REASON…ITS OK…ITS OK FOR YOU TO DO WHAT U WANT TO DO..LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT TO…I WILL NOT JUDGE YOU.. I CAN LET IT GO….BUT IF YOU NEED ME TO TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS I WILL DO THAT…GIVE THEM A LIFE THAT IS STABLED…GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO ERASE WHAT AS BEEN DONE…AND GET THEM THRU THIS WITH CARING AND UNDERSTANDING SO THEY CAN BE SOMEBODY SOME DAY…ITS OK…FOR MY MOTHER TO LEAVE ME…OR A SISTER WHO LET ONE OF HERE KIDS GO..FOR ANOTHER SISTER TO WALK AWAY HER KIDS…ITS OK…I UNDERSTAND WHY MY SISTERS DID THAT.. BUT AS FOR MY  OWN.. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MY MOTHER WHY SHE WALKED AWAY FROM ME…I OVERCAME AND WENT BEYOND MY LIFE TO GET WHERE I AM TODAY…I HAVE FOUGHT FOR THIS LIFE…TO BE WHO I AM AND WHAT I AM…A STRONG OVER POWERING CONTROLLED MOTHER AND OR WOMAN…BE CUZ I DO AND GET WHAT I WANT…BY GOING AFTER IT…YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN…MORE STRONGER THAN ME..WHEN IT COMES TO MAKING YOUR OWN RULES AND LIVING THEM..YOU DON’T GIVE A FUCK…I DON’T GIVE A FUCK..BUT I TEND TO HAVE THAT STUPID ASS RESOPNABILITY FACTOR IN MY ASS AT 200% MEANING I DO WHATS RIGHT I GUESS AS I LIVE LIFE…I MAY BITCH AND MOAN ..YOU KNOW I WILL TAKE CARE OF THE BABIES…YOU ARE THERE MOTHER…BUT U CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE ON YOUR TERMS…JUST LET ME TAKE CARE OF THEM..AND U DO YOUR THING…ITS OK JAZ…I UNDERSTAND…I GIVIN YOU AN OUTLET TO DO WHAT YOU WANT…BUT…I HOPE YOU CAN OVERCOME ALL THIS…AND PROVE ME WRONG…ANY THIS DOESN’T  WILL TAKE CARE OF THE BABIES…ITS FUNNY THERE ARE DIFFERENT RULES WHEN YOU BECOME A GRANDPARENT…I THINK YOU MATURE ENOUGH AND GET A SECOND CHANCE TO RAISE KIDS DIFFERENT..BUT WITH ALL THE THINGS I HAVE SEEN OR BEEN DONE TO…I HOPE I DID OVERCOME MY UPBRINGING BETTER THAN IT WAS DONE UPON ME.. I KNOW I DID A BETTER JOB…I ALSO DID THE BEST I DID WITH MY KIDS…THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN SOME ISSUES…BUT YOU LIVE AND LEARN.. AND I KNOW I DID THAT…I HAVE CHANGE WITH THE TIMES…AND STILL LEARNING AS I GO…YOU CAN DO THAT TO…

RIGHT NOW  IM SETTING MY BOUNDRIES WITH YOU…I WILLING TO SIT BACK…I HOPE I CAN SEE THE GRANDS…BUT ON YOUR TERMS…BE ADULT ABOUT IT…I CAN SEE THEM ONCE A MONTH FOR A VISIT OR TALKING ON THE PHONE IS OK..BE WOMAN ABOUT IT AND TELL YOUR KIDS ITS OK…WHY U AND I DON’T SEE THE SAME PAGE…WE HAVE DIFFERENCES AND OUTLOOKS…AND ITS OK….

I LOVE U…AND IM HAPPY THAT THEY ARE BACK WITH YOU…DO WHATEVER IT TAKES…AND BE STRONG…I HOPE YOU DON’T THINK THAT I SAID WHAT I SAID IN THIS LETTER…BUT..I WANTED YOU TO KNOW ..WHAT IM FEELING…LOVE U JAZ..ALWALYS..MOMS….