REFLECTION FOR A MINUTE....

i know im bloggin my daughters life...and im telling my story to let others know your not alone..ive been thru hell and back...with my daughter...i still love her..but you half to realize...(a blog in the near future)..having a mother and a stepmother that abuse me(the writer)...i left home at 19...had my daughter at 21...and she turned 13 and it all changed...now 14 years later...she(29)....ive have the pain of going thru nonsense bs with her...im a mom that did more better and beyond when what was given to me...we have a daughter/mom hate/love relationship..sometimes i glad i have that with my daughter...cuz i been there every minute of her life...and at times on and off..but ive been there and she knows she can con me..and i fall into that web of distruction of ours relationship...i didnt have that with my own mother....an when i blog my story...i will not feel guitly of what i did by raisin my daughter the best way i knew and hoping i did a better job of it then my own mother did...but i will not let my daughter give me no more pain...the disrespect...the cussing..the con/ning the emotional and mental abuse i recieve from her when she is a grown adult...is going to stop....like i said in my blog..i let this happen...and i didnt stop it...and its 2010...and now im stopping it..im done and thru...its all on her now...choices made from 13/29 is all done by my daughter...i didnt participate...

BROOKWOOD..........

jasmine finally got to the girls home...and there was rules to follow...one was to go to school and get a job...and she had to do mental health counseling...and sometimes i did visit....i did a couple of therapy sessions...that didnt work well...between us...jaz went to st pete high for one wk....she did alot of sleeping and made excuses not to go to school...she did work....for a minute..i remember she blew off her therapys..she did group...didnt like single therapy..(but she had a opp time to get help and she blew it off)...they put up with her for two years...VLADAMIR ERNESTO RAMIREZ...came into to her life....they dated for two years...at one time...they lived with me...if they werent living together at vladie mamas house....i told both of them dont make me fall in love with you two...lol...i mean...she and vladie had something....but jaz moved on in life....and she is 18ish...now...and she did what she said she would do....become a STRIPPER...........OMG..............another decision she made ...her choice...the last five years she made all these choices ...had gotten in trouble with the law and sent to a girls home...and had sercives given to her and she didnt get the help....i mean if i was her...i would of worked on myself....but she wanted to dance...this is when she really started drinking and such...and met this one guy....which i found out later he beat her...and she was pregant and lost the child(miscarried)...she came polk county way...she was dancing at showgirls on county line road....living with i dont know...she wasnt living with me...she danced and drank..and such...and then i heard she went to miami to dance...and she lived that high life...i think she had a pimp....she did it all...somehow she left it behind...and mike comes into the picture....

being a parent....

so they locked her up....i didnt show on the first court appearance...i was told by lakeland police ...let her sit there...so you know u do this tough love crap..hoping it would work...nope....so when i did go to the court date...she plead guitly...and they got her in some type of program to this temp youth home...before they would get her a bed in this girls home in st. pete...while she was waiting...this court date...i remember i wasnt feeling good had a bad earache...the lawyer...a domestic voilence advocate...and guardian litem...so how she was saying im sorry mommy...she hangin on me..man i was in pain with the ear ache..she dropped to the ground...and i walked away never looking back...that was the hardest thing i ever did...to walk away...and cryed all the way out to the car....they saw that i really loved her..but i was hurt and done...(omg im cryin right now writing this...)she went to this youth home...i did make visits with her...sometimes i had to do therapy with her...but i was mad...angry...hurt what ever feelings i had...we never got along..when it came to her making the decisions she made...up to this point....so...finally she got to the girls home in st pete...wow....wait til you here this part of the story....

here we go.........

so we moved to the hospital area in lakeland...this street we lived on was a little rough...i kept to myself i had gunther under 2 and ernesto to take care of....jasmine was still not following the rules...went to school when she wanted...she did get kicked out of the normal school system and went to a alternative school...which she got kicked out of that...and went to john cox school also...and they couldnt keep her down...i mean come on....this child my daughter was a problem...she made all her choices since the age of 13...run the streets and do what she wanted to do...i tryed so hard to get to her...one day she came home from school...we were in the back of the apartment...i was yelling at her and tryed to get thru to her and told her i was going to kick her ass...well she said she was going to kick my ass and sure enough she did...omg the neighbors all out to see it...laughing at me as i got my ass whipped....so i called the police and i press domectic volience charges on her ...they took pics of me and hauled her off to the detintion center in bartow....here we go....as i said before...i let this happen...and i didnt stop it...so here we go....the following....