i wonder...........what

you will think of what im doing....to set you straight.....on truth.... u have swindle and lie in your life with everyone that has been a part of your life....and u play this game...thinking you are the vitcim....u are what u are stupid little girl...that has been given love and understanding and caring for your ass your whole life....and i let you pull me into your web of life.....and destory me by the way you treated me...disrespect is the most of what you did to me...and i was stupid to keep taking it.....but no more....these last 6 months and the many months to come is slience....i will no longer be in your web of games...ever...your mother.........

HER GAME....

WELL...ITS BEEN A MINUTE...AND I HAVE THE BALL IN MY COURT...AND WHAT IM ABOUT TO SAY IS TRUTH AND SOME OF HERE FRINEDS... NAMING NAMES...SO HER DISRESPECT ME..CUSSING AT ME..THREATENING ME...SO AS I STARTED THIS NEXT CHAPTER..IM SPEAKING TRUTH...if she thinks that im to blame for all her crap.....wrong missy im setting you straight.....you a person who lies and has selective memory....your a real piece of work....and the one thing in my life i dont lie....am a grown ass woman...u anit there yet...you have to earn it little girl

cont..........

as jasmine was living with me..it was where she had to end up...cuz she had two kids....like i said she took care of passion a lyr old and  keke at 9 months...she did take care of them as infants really good...that i will give her credit for it...but as they got older...she would spank them...while living with me..some girl name tish lived with us...and let this happen...and then i kicked the bitch out....wasnt paying to stay there she had to go...i really didnt like the thing...jaz took over my house...she let the girls eat anywhere...when jaz cooked....she cooked on high heat..she apparently tryed to keep house clean..she would always rearranged the house..near passion first birthday....we had a party for laylay..and jaz doesnt know this but she hurt my friend pats feelings..about the gift she gave to laylay...laylay and pat have the same birthday...but pat knew jaz was slick...on and off jaz always had visitors at my house..including when she needed her pot....sometimes i guess she bought it or her friends would or who knows how she got it..when i knew she had no money..and i let her smoke pot..outside of my house...and jaz would drink here beers..or when karessa came over it was beer or harder liquer...outside of  my house....i let this happen...she use to yell at me or cuss at me...told her 1000 times to lower the music...i mean i was trying to be low key for my house ...but i let her do what the hell she wanted...why im i covering for her....when the kids got spanked...for the littleiest thing keke was the blunt of it..she was hit the most...keke reminded jasmine of fatboy...at this age...im talking 1,2,3, she calling the girls..my grandbabies ..bitches . hoes, niggers.....doing this to them as she scolded them or when they got into something....many times i was in my room...coming home from work and go straight to my room and shut the door..i mean had my pc and my tv didnt need anything else...gunny would be in the room with me...as willie was laying on the bed sleeping and waiting to go to work...i would hear when she hit the kids....with the  door shut and i could her it that loud....i didnt stop it....and i was working with kids at my church and i took a child abuse class and i let her hit the kids in my house and i didnt stop it......this breaks my heart as i write this...that i didnt save them....sometimes the girls would come into my room crying and needed that assurance of safety...and she would tell the girls to get out of my room......
yes there were happy times in the house when she was there...but there were more bad times then any...when  friends came over to my house and it was like i wanted to take back my house...and i tryed..she would litterally cuss at me and yell at me in front of her friends...one time i told her i would slap her ass and she told me out frankly i  will lay you on the ground bitch...fuck u up....cont..................

havent been bloggin on this child for a moment...

been taking a few wks to make sure....that i bring the fullest of this story about the next 6years(2010)...i was excitied to know that i got to see my granddaughter passion be born....i knew god was going to give me this child someday...jaz was a good mother to her ..dont get me wrong...she knew how to take care of an infant...and right away she got pregant again with another child...she was at nicki house...i couldnt ever understand...why jaz didnt have a roof over her head...it was always someone house...i mean how do u do that...was this the new way of  living with other people and go from house to house...so she went to mississippi with fatboy and lived there while she was prego with keke.....she didnt like it there..no food in the house, house very messy...the whole nine yards...of a dirty house...and jaz told me to come and pick her up cuz she wanted to have keke at home in lakeland...mississippi is so behind in things i guess they dont know what century there in....they back in the day...........anyways i go pick up jaz and passion....and jaz came to live with me...waiting to have keosha...again i was at that birth..keke slippin right out of her ass like it was nothing...a nurse caught keke monster....again....jaz was a good mother for a infant child...and she was living with me...a house of six..in a two bedroom apt....cont.............

more reflections...radomly.......

JUDGE ME AND I"LL PROVE YOU WRONG.  TELL ME WHAT TO DO, AND I WILL TELL YOU OFF. TELL ME I CANT...WATCH ME....MY reference to this...ADDRESS TO MANY PEOPLE THAT  HAVE  DONE THINGS TO ME. THIS IS  WHO I AM AND  NOBODY I MEAN NOBODY  TELLS ME WHAT TO DO...YOU DIGG....REALLY

any reflection on my daughter..............

do you know that this child was in girl scouts....the whole thing...cookie, camping and even me being a asst. leader for a minute....being a mom as i was and ernesto was a baby....how could i have been a mother to her as i beat the shit out of her....wherei lived and my friends around knew i didnt do that....i mean i was a single mom...i distilled the girls scouts on her...i went to her school functions gave her birthday cakes from publics every birthday...gave her roses once for her birthday....come on...what the helll did i ever do to disserve what she did to me....all this mental and emtional and pyshical abuse.....im settin you straight little girl..i dont care if some damn judge ..fostercare....dcf and or guradidan litem read this...free speech....im letting other moms who been thru hell with there kids....im not alone.....geeus....jas...you were a girl scout..............come on.................here is jaz me pinnin her pin...the other is a trip to orlando.....

U THINK

For all the crap I've had to deal with,just wanted to say thanks to those that dished it my way. If it wasn't for you,I wouldn't be the strong person I am today

IF YOU THINK..

FOR ONE MINUTE...THINK THIS...EVERYTHING OUT IS IN THE OPEN...ITS A RECKENING...IM EXPOSING EVERYTHING PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE OF THE DALLNER DYSFUNCTIONAL GAME...WE ALL BEEN PLAYING....AND I HAVE PROOF OF DOCUMATION....GAME ON....BEING CHILDLESS THINK NOT LITTLE GIRL..IM A FIGHTER AND I WILL SET THE TRUTH....YOU INCLUDED...........

refection #2.........

im typically not mean...even thou i been told im wicked...if so...so be it...funny...when i said i was done an thru(coming soon on this blog) ive disguarded her as my child....elimated her from all social networks...opps i can get on face book...and her friends can now read what im writing about...her..my two mothers..my daily life and love letters to my grandbabies...next excerpt of her blog is coming...i need a moment...im out

2nd grandchild...keke....

keke slipped right out of jaz...didnt wait for the midwife....2 births..of my babies...each time...i was there..i knew they would be in my life someway somehow....its getting to the part...now....where its going to be really hard...to let you all know what happens..

passion...my first grandchild...

well i was becoming a grandma...my first grandchild...i saw my sweet passion birth...soon after...she got pregant right after passion and moved to grenda mississippi...and lived with fatboys family...by 7months i had to go fetch jaz and passion...having problems with fatboy...got her home and keke was born....and she was living with me...now...

cont.........

well mike came in the picture....she meet him on the streets....there use to be a hood behind the police station...living on iowa street..he was a drug dealer..and went to prison......living with her friends...drinking and drugs and such....and she tatooed mikes name on the left side of her neck....talking about being disapointed as a mother...omg....wow.....she worked on and off...running the streets....but she wasnt with me at this point...one day i went to checkers...and there she was working...mama(she is now 22...) i meet a man name fatboy....ands she was prego with my first grandchild...she quit the job...cuz she was pregant....meet him...she was still in the hood...a couple of streets over...but gee....he was a drug dealer...great.........i remember going over to find her and it was mothers day...she was drunk as a skunk...smelled like liquor...she huggin on me...crying ...and she prego....as i tell my story...jaz did this with all three children...drank..drugs...wow....but she was living her life....living in a house with no electric...wow....i cant say anything else ..but wow....some how...she hooked up with nicki...thru this...and me...waiting to have her 1st child.....

REFLECTION FOR A MINUTE....

i know im bloggin my daughters life...and im telling my story to let others know your not alone..ive been thru hell and back...with my daughter...i still love her..but you half to realize...(a blog in the near future)..having a mother and a stepmother that abuse me(the writer)...i left home at 19...had my daughter at 21...and she turned 13 and it all changed...now 14 years later...she(29)....ive have the pain of going thru nonsense bs with her...im a mom that did more better and beyond when what was given to me...we have a daughter/mom hate/love relationship..sometimes i glad i have that with my daughter...cuz i been there every minute of her life...and at times on and off..but ive been there and she knows she can con me..and i fall into that web of distruction of ours relationship...i didnt have that with my own mother....an when i blog my story...i will not feel guitly of what i did by raisin my daughter the best way i knew and hoping i did a better job of it then my own mother did...but i will not let my daughter give me no more pain...the disrespect...the cussing..the con/ning the emotional and mental abuse i recieve from her when she is a grown adult...is going to stop....like i said in my blog..i let this happen...and i didnt stop it...and its 2010...and now im stopping it..im done and thru...its all on her now...choices made from 13/29 is all done by my daughter...i didnt participate...

BROOKWOOD..........

jasmine finally got to the girls home...and there was rules to follow...one was to go to school and get a job...and she had to do mental health counseling...and sometimes i did visit....i did a couple of therapy sessions...that didnt work well...between us...jaz went to st pete high for one wk....she did alot of sleeping and made excuses not to go to school...she did work....for a minute..i remember she blew off her therapys..she did group...didnt like single therapy..(but she had a opp time to get help and she blew it off)...they put up with her for two years...VLADAMIR ERNESTO RAMIREZ...came into to her life....they dated for two years...at one time...they lived with me...if they werent living together at vladie mamas house....i told both of them dont make me fall in love with you two...lol...i mean...she and vladie had something....but jaz moved on in life....and she is 18ish...now...and she did what she said she would do....become a STRIPPER...........OMG..............another decision she made ...her choice...the last five years she made all these choices ...had gotten in trouble with the law and sent to a girls home...and had sercives given to her and she didnt get the help....i mean if i was her...i would of worked on myself....but she wanted to dance...this is when she really started drinking and such...and met this one guy....which i found out later he beat her...and she was pregant and lost the child(miscarried)...she came polk county way...she was dancing at showgirls on county line road....living with i dont know...she wasnt living with me...she danced and drank..and such...and then i heard she went to miami to dance...and she lived that high life...i think she had a pimp....she did it all...somehow she left it behind...and mike comes into the picture....

being a parent....

so they locked her up....i didnt show on the first court appearance...i was told by lakeland police ...let her sit there...so you know u do this tough love crap..hoping it would work...nope....so when i did go to the court date...she plead guitly...and they got her in some type of program to this temp youth home...before they would get her a bed in this girls home in st. pete...while she was waiting...this court date...i remember i wasnt feeling good had a bad earache...the lawyer...a domestic voilence advocate...and guardian litem...so how she was saying im sorry mommy...she hangin on me..man i was in pain with the ear ache..she dropped to the ground...and i walked away never looking back...that was the hardest thing i ever did...to walk away...and cryed all the way out to the car....they saw that i really loved her..but i was hurt and done...(omg im cryin right now writing this...)she went to this youth home...i did make visits with her...sometimes i had to do therapy with her...but i was mad...angry...hurt what ever feelings i had...we never got along..when it came to her making the decisions she made...up to this point....so...finally she got to the girls home in st pete...wow....wait til you here this part of the story....

here we go.........

so we moved to the hospital area in lakeland...this street we lived on was a little rough...i kept to myself i had gunther under 2 and ernesto to take care of....jasmine was still not following the rules...went to school when she wanted...she did get kicked out of the normal school system and went to a alternative school...which she got kicked out of that...and went to john cox school also...and they couldnt keep her down...i mean come on....this child my daughter was a problem...she made all her choices since the age of 13...run the streets and do what she wanted to do...i tryed so hard to get to her...one day she came home from school...we were in the back of the apartment...i was yelling at her and tryed to get thru to her and told her i was going to kick her ass...well she said she was going to kick my ass and sure enough she did...omg the neighbors all out to see it...laughing at me as i got my ass whipped....so i called the police and i press domectic volience charges on her ...they took pics of me and hauled her off to the detintion center in bartow....here we go....as i said before...i let this happen...and i didnt stop it...so here we go....the following....

NOTE TO JAZ

PROMISE TO MY KID(S): I will stalk you, freak out on you, lecture you, drive you crazy, be your nightmare, embarrass you in front of your friends, and hunt you down like a bloodhound until the day you understand why I do it. Then I'll know you're a responsible adult. All because I LOVE YOU. You will never find someone who loves and cares about you more than me....YOUR MOM. (copy and paste if you feel the same!)

THIS STORY CONTINUES....

WELL IT GOT TO THE TIME WHEN I HAD GUNTHER...WE JUST MOVED OUT OF THE PROJECTS..WILLIE AND I WERE ENGAGED...WE RENTED A HOUSE...DAYS BEFORE GUNNY WAS BORN...I REMEMBER LOCKING JASMINE IN THE HOUSE FOR THE THREE DAYS I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL..ANYWAYS AS WE WERE SETTLEDING IN THE HOUSE...THE WHOLE TIME WE LIVED THERE A GOOD THREE MONTHS...HER BIRTHDAY CAME UP...GUNNY WAS TWO MONTHS OLD....JASMINE WENT TO THE HOOD AROUND THE CORNER HER 15TH BIRTHDAY...I WENT TO GO LOOKED FOR HER... ASK THE POLICE CAN I GO LOOK FOR HER ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE IS 15..SO WE CRUISED THE NEIGHBORHOOD...COULDNT FIND HER....BUT SHE DID SEE ME...AND I WENT BACK TO THE HOUSE...LATER WHEN SHE CAME HOME....THE FOLLOWING HAPPENED...(NOW THIS IS THE ONE BEATING I DID...YOU KNOW WHEN THEY GET THERE REAL WHIP ASS BEATING)I CORNERED HER IN HER ROOM....I NOTICED SHE WAS HIGH...I REMEMBER LOOKING IN HER EYES....I PICKED UP EVERYTHING I COULD FIND AND BEAT HER ASS...A PURSE..A PLASTIC HANGER...A SUITCASE..SHOES..MY HANDS...I WAS SLINGIN HER IN THE ROOM...ENDED UP IN THE CLOSEST...I ASKED HER IM THE BITCH THAT RUNS THIS HOUSE...NOT YOU...F WITH ME AGIAN AND I WILL KICK YOUR ASS.......OF COURSE I DIDNT LEAVE ANY EVIDENCE THAT I DID BEAT HER...THIS CHILD ONLY RECIEVED MAYBE 1/2 DOZEN MAJOR BEATINGS...(BUT SHE WILL TELL YOU DAILY)THEN WE MOVED TO A TOWNHOUSE..AND THE SCHOOL SHE WAS TO BE AT ...SHE DIDNT GO..AND AT THAT TIME THE TURANCY OFFICER WOULD COME TO THE HOUSE...MAN I CALLED THEM WEEKLY LET THEM KNOW THAT SHE DIDNT WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL...PLUS SHE HOOKED UP WITH JESSICA...AND MACHO..(THIS FOOL GOT HIT BY A MAC TRUCK TWICE IN LIFE AND HE ANIT DEAD YET)JESSICA COMES INTO PLAY LATER IN JASMINE LIFE...ONE TIME JASMINE TOLD ME I WAS A DUCK....THAT TERM MEANT STUPID...IN THE SLANG OFF THE STREET...I TRYED ONE DAY OH IM A DUCK I SHOW YOU...I TRYED TO CATCH HER UP THE STAIRS BUT NEVER CAUGHT HER....THEN A YEAR LATER WE MOVED TOWARDS THE HOSPITAL...THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING.......

so..........

jasmine....at this point and time..13 years old....and she is running the streets...disrespecting me...yelling and cussing me when ever she had a chance...and she and jeanette running the streets...jaz would run in different neigborhoods...maybe a couple of the projects..as she was doing this...jaz would leave my house 3/5 days at a time...and i would make the child missing report with the police...we did this a million times..and each time when she came home i had to call the police and let them know she was home...i had to do this because jaz at six different times called dcf and tell them i hit her...cuz when in middle school at the time early 90's the told the kids if mommy and daddy hit you call on them...so did...each time i had dcf knocking on my door..i would be so defensive with them...i would tell them...u dont feed her...clothed her ...you dont housed her...i do...if i spanked the girl...i did it when ever a situation arised...but most of the time..i would have to catch her...to slap her...i was prego with gunther...so what was i to do..i just stop chasing her...and i let her talked to me anyway...cussing and such..her friends were doing that to there own parnets..so she just followed...and covered my ass with dcf when i made those child missing reports....i could remember officer mark in our projects...pissed off with me...everytime i made a child missing report on her...he hated me..when dcf came out at the 6th time...reporting on me i hit her...the dcf agent finally saw that jasmine was the problem....i almost put her in a home...but...dang it...she got her period...and mom mode kicked in...so i took care of my child....and she continued to disrespect me and cuss me...and i let it happen...

AS FOLLOWS...

BEFORE I START JUST LETTING YOU ALL KNOW...JASMINE AND ERNESTO WAS DISIPLINE DIFFERNET THEN WHAT WAS DONE TO ME...AND THEY GOT TYPICAL SPANKINGS...AND I YELLED AT THEM...BUT TEACHING THEM...THERE MORALS...AND TO BE RESPECTFUL...RIGHT FROM WRONG..

SO ITS AROUND THE AGE OF 13 WHEN JAZ STARTS....SHE WAS HANGING WITH THE GIRLS IN THE NEIGBORHOOD AND GOING TO SCHOOL WITH THEM....MANY TIMES...JAZ WOULD GO SEE JEANETTE...AND THEY WOULD DANCE ON THE PORCH...RIGHT WHEN HIP HOP STARTED AND RAP...AND THEY WOULD DANCE LIKE HOOTCHA MAMAS....YOU POP, DROP, LOCK....THIS WAS A DAILY THING...ESPECAILLY WKENDS....IF AND WHEN I TRIED TO DISIPLINE JAZ...SHE WOULD RUN...AND I COULD NEVER CATCH HER...ONE TIME I CHANGED HER BEDROOM...AWAY FROM THE WINDOW/STAIRS TO THE MIDDLE BACK BEDROOM...WHICH WE WERE ON THE SECOND FLOOR...SHE HATED THAT I DID THAT...SHE CLAIMS I GROUNDED HER IN ROOM ...WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE YES I DID THAT...BY 1994 IN FEB...I MEET WILLIE...HE DID THE WKEND VISITS WITH ME...TIL JUNE OF 94 WHEN I ASKED HIM TO MOVE IN WITH ME...SO JAZ WAS JEALOUS THAT I HAD SOMEONE IN MY LIFE...THAT SOMEONE WAS PAYING ATTENTION TO ME...SHE HATED THAT.....SO LIFE GOES ON...AND LIVING LIFE.....WELL OCT 94 I GOT PREGO WITH GUNTHER...AND I COULD REMEMBER...THANKSGIVING WK....JAZ RUNNING OUT THE DOOR..SHE DID SOMETHING TO PISS ME OFF..BASCAILLY TYPICAL MOTHER/DAUGHTER THING..I TRYED TO RUN AND GET HER BUT SAFETY FIRST I WAS WITH CHILD AT LEAST A MONTH PREGO....SO I WALKED ACROSS THE STREET...GOT TO JASMINE AND YOU COULD HERE THE SLAP ACROSS THE FACE..I SWEAR THE WHOLE STREET HEARD IT..I TOLD HER SHE WOULD NOT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT...AND I CUSSED HER OUT....SO THIS IS WHERE IT STARTS GETTING TO WHAT JAZ STARTED DOING....

92...

by now jasmine is 10/11 and still everything is going as plan...taking care of my children..nothing major...the time was to move into a three bedroom apt in the projects...cuz i had one boy one girl...so jaz is starting middle school..and we hit the age of 13....this is where it all starts...knowing i had to live in the projects for a minute...(88/95)i mean i wasnt going to live out on the streets...so that where home was...so some of the girls in this neighborhood and they all went to the same middle school...jasmine was changing....so before i start this...just know i had few friends that knew me and know about me...and the areas where i lived in life thru out lakeland know that i was taking care of my children...(needless to say...jasmine has a version she sticking too and im here to let you know that the last 14 years is the truth....(13/28yrs of age)..............

first couple of years.......

well i became a mom(1981)...i knew i would be a better mother then what was done to me...having a mother that left and a stepmother that did all the abuse...i was living in my grandparents apt building and i lived in one of the apartements..i was taking care of my baby..and she was 6months old when i went back to fla...margaret needed me...she had a nervous breakdown and jeff asked me to come down and help her..so thats what i did...me and jaz in tow back to lakeland fl...i got on welfare...and i took care of my daughter...birthdays come and go and me helping margaret get off her meds from the breakdown...the judds push me to get going with life and in 1984 jaz was three and i got a job at zayres department store...i work there for 4years...the first job ever that i stayed the longest..i was on the stock crew..and a cashier..as time goes by..jasmine went to kindergarden at lime street elem...she had to do kindergarden twice..thats when i was pregant with ernesto(1987)...(that will be another blog in the near future...)so i had two kids..single parent..working(at a nursing home in the kitchen) and taking care of my babies....ernesto got sick from daycare...and bascailly stop working..went back on welfare...but its 1989 and i took a big step..i went to college...and graduated in 1991...i was living in the projects and going to school..and taking care of the kids..i literally took the time to study and make good grades..something i thought i would never do was going to college...but i did it...so 91 i was looking for a job..up and down lakeland hills blvd...where all the doctors and hospital was looking for a job..jesus the ecomony sucked...not like todays....but i didnt and couldnt find a job in the medical sect field....so i gave up...still on welfare and i let the depression take me over.....92

WHEN IT ALL CAME ABOUT.....

MY NAME IS BONNIE...I WAS LIVING IN LAKELAND FL..WORKING AND MET THIS GUY...ONLY KNEW HIM FOR 3 MONTHS..IT WAS A THANKSGIVING WEEKEND IN 1980...I HAD A CASE OF MONO..THEN THE NEXT THING I DID WAS I CAME HOME(TO IL)..NO WHERE TO LIVE..DIDNT REALLY ASK THE DALLNER FAMILY TO PUT ME UP...BUT MY FATHERS OLD PAINT STORE...I LIVED IN THE BASEMENT....WOW....ANYWAYS SOMEHOW I GOT TO DOLLY AND EMERSONS HOUSE AND I GOT A JOB AT BURGER KING...FINLEY SQUARE..AND MIKE WAS THERE...ANYWAYS..WKS LATER I WENT TO THE DOCTOR FOUND OUT I WAS PREGANT WITH CHILD...FUNNY I WAS DATING MIKE FOR FUN...AND THEN MONTHS LATER BEFORE I START SHOWING I TOLD HIM I WAS PREGANT...THE FATHER WAS DOWN IN LAKELAND AND I TOLD HIM...LIKE THAT WAS GOING TO WORK...SO I JUST WORKED AT BK AND MOVED IN WITH MAIRANA TIL I HAD THE BABY...AT FIVE MONTHS..I ALMOST SAW A LAWYER TO GIVE UP THE BABY....BUT SHE MOVED HER BIG ASS IN ME...AND I CHANGED MY MIND...I STARTED BUYING THINGS FOR WHAT I NEEDED...THEN THE GRANDPARENTS...DALLNERS TOOK ME IN WKS BEFORE...THE DAY BEFORE I HAD JASMINE..I HAD A ULTRA SOUND..I KNEW SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER SO THE THE HEART BEATING..ALL THAT STUFF... AND MY FRIEND MARE TOOK ME DOWN A BUMPY ASS ROAD..AND I THOUGHT I WAS GOING INTO LABOR WHICH I WAS...SO I WAS TO HAVE MARY THERE FOR ME...AND LESLIE WAS THERE..SORRY MARE...STILL LOVE U...AND I HAD MY DAUGHTER AT 12:47PM AT 9LBS 3OZS 21INCES LONG...AUG.6/1981